"You cute...for a dark skinned girl"

 

(me n my old friend Kandey in 2007)

i was just now reminded of this line i used to hear too many times...

"You cute...for a dark skinned girl"

yeah?? and may i ask what the hell is that supposed to mean? cuz im dark skinned im supposed to be ugly and ashy??? why cant i just be cute? Fortunately...i dont give a damn about stuff like that anymore. i love my chocolateness! i just never understood. 

You never hear:

"You cute...for a light skinned girl..."

i guess light skinned girls are just "expected" to be cute. so if they stumble upon a busted light skinned girl...do they say..."she ugly...for a light skinned girl"? 

hmmm...

life...

so right now its 3:03 am. and i have an 8am class. please tell me why im still up!

first off...the fact that i had an 8am class yesterday morning forced  me to sleep all afternoon when i got home. woke up when it was dark. so im up. im pretty sure this is the beginning of a very screwed up cycle.

my week started horribly. sorry no details. bc if i start talkin bout the events that lead to that first sentence...i will get pissed off all over again. and i dont need that bc i think things are beginning to look up. i'll give u a clue...just when i needed it the most...i found the $10 i thought i lost this morning. yay!

lately i been thinkin a lot about my future. i've been in school a lot longer than i wanted to be. and i wont be done anytime soon. again, no details cuz it might make me cry. but, over the weekend i got a sudden burst of optimism. i pretty much mapped out my whole academic/work career between now and the end of grad school. makes me feel good. makes me wish time would go by even faster than it already is.

Then, i think about real life. like...my future outside of school and work. One thing u all might need to know about me is, my biggest goal in life...believe it or not...is to be a wife and mother. i want nothing more than to marry the love of my life and bear children that come to be perfect representations of our best attributes. i am not one of those "career women" (no offense of course) who prefers to reach a certain step on the corporate ladder b4 they decide to make a family. thats not how it works in my world. i do want to finish school and be a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner <----click the link)...and i WILL. but to me, it comes secondary. Yet...i MUST be smart about it. i know i am not ready for children yet because i do wanna reach a certain place in my education where i feel like i can take on such a big responsibility. but here's my thing: my initial plan was to wait til im done wit school to have my babies...but...what do i do when school is takin much longer than i anticipated?? do i keep putting it all on hold?? i mean...madd ppl go to school with children...if they can do it...why cant i? 

lemme stop ranting.

Favorite Slow Jamz...

I'm sure im not the only one...so, u know those songs that u will never get tired of? The ones u can put on repeat and go to sleep? I decided to start a list of the *slow jamz* that make me sing in front of the mirror in my panties with my hair brush in my hand! I know this aint it...but this is all i can think of at the moment. I'll add more as i remember. If u never heard any of these songs...i suggest u youtube it! (no particular order)

1. Jupiter Love: Trey Songz
2. On Top: Trey Songz
3. In the Middle: Trey Songz
4. Everything: Marques Houston
5. Cant Wait Til Later: Bobby Valentino
6. Doin' Just Fine: Boyz II Men
7. Complicated: Nivea
8. What You Tryna Do: Jagged Edge
9. Healing: Jagged Edge
10. Remedy: Jagged Edge
11. Empty: Raheem Devaughn (me and the bf's "song")
12. Freakin' Me: Jamie Foxx & Marsha Ambrosius
13. Slow: Jamie Foxx
14. Damage: Chris Brown
15. Lay Down: Floetry
16. Getting Late: Floetry
17. Say Yes: Floetry
18. If I Was A Bird: Floetry
19. Brand New: Drake
20. Suffocate: J. Holiday

What are some of ur favorite slow jamz??

ugh

ugh...first post of the new year...and NO i havent been ghost...i been on this bih everyday! But, i kinda wanted to start the new year with a new signature and i been getting it perfected (although i didnt want it to take so long) i shoulda just said eff it...cuz now im 8 days behind! more posts to come...prolly tonight...cuz i miss yall!! lol

Hope yall think the signature is worth the wait! My bf did it <3

lol. im such a loser...duh, rieka...if u save a post as a draft...Blogger automatically puts the date u initially wrote it! lol. I guess this aint my first post of the new yr, but guess what?? i dont feel like changing what i wrote above...i kinda like it lol So what??

New Year...Fresh Start

Yay! Its a new year and i got optimism comin outta my butt!!

Things in my life a rollercoasterish right now (dont worry, ill spare u the details). But its rollercoasterish bc some things are goin pretty good like my grades and my relationship with my bf...and some things are pretty sucky like my relationship with my family, my empty pockets, and inability to get a freakin job.

So these are the things i hope to accomplish this year:


-Gotta get my relationship with God exactly where it needs to be

-Keep this 4.0 i got goin right now in this program im in.

-graduate from this program,

-get a decent job hopefully at a OB/GYN or pediatric office until the end of the year...then on to a Nursing program for next year.

-get a job SOME DAMN WHERE for now so i can pay my damn bills and save up for a new car...cuz this one aint cuttin it

-Hopefully take my relationship to **the next level** whatever that may be...i guess u'll see ;)

-Get it together wit my mom =/

-Get a better crib when this lease is up in August

-Enjoy my 24th birthday this summer!!

-Celebrate my bf and my 2 year anniversary this summer also

big plans...but im sure i can work it all out. I love the positivity that comes along with a new year...the fresh start. Ima go head and make this the best year yet. Im anticipating mad changes and hopefully they all will be for the better :)

idk...

Hello all...

Damn, i guess im startin off this month kinda late. I still gotta update u all on my thanxgiving in Ohio with the future in laws. Ive been to lazy to upload the pix so i can make an all-inclusive post...but ill get to it. soon enough i guess.

So lately, my facebook statuses have looked a lot like this:

Sharieka Bryan is idk.

There's nothin wrong wit me, i just been in this mood lately in which i am neither happy nor sad. I just be thinkin too hard. Like, everything that is goin on in my life is goin thru my head all at the same time. And its not all day that i feel like this...its only at night. I know im not depressed cuz it really aint dat damn serious, but its really annoying. Im just gonna have to pray about it cuz its really not a good look. My bf asked me about 20 min ago, "Rieka, Whats wrong?" and i really didnt know what to say. idk. oh well. yall think im crazy??
lemme know.


deuces...
RiekaBaby

Wedding Bells???

So i was on Facebook for a while this evening. And i noticed a pattern. Madd ppl i went to HS with (c/o 2004!! lol) have either gotten married, or are engaged! Not half as much as the ones who had kids...but some are married WITH kids! I was fb messaging a friend from high school who was 2 yrs behind me...and this dude is married wit 3 kids!!! say word? He's 21 years old and done having children!

Anyways...many of my friends have either an engagement ring, or a wedding band (including my BESTIE Cheryl!! I cant wait to be the maid of honor in her Spring 2010 nuptials!!).

My BFF Cheryl and her awesome fiance Ari...i heart them! lol


The ring!


LOL

But every time i see ppl flashin their rings...i get kinda anxious! Not to be confused with jealousy...no need for all that! lol. It just makes me think of how happy i will be when its my turn!! It will be awesome. I just hope my bf does something cute and creative...i dont want no "spur of the moment" proposal...i want somethin prepared damnit!! LOL

deuces....
RiekaBaby

Kimmy...my Kimmy

I know i been ghost for a MINUTE...and i will update soon...just not right now. 

I been kinda having a tough day. Today, July 31st, 2009 WOULD HAVE been the 22nd birthday of one of my closest cousins Kimone Alicia Anderson.

But she past away last September. She was in a car accident in Miami on I-95. I didnt find out until over a week later bc my number was in *her* phone. So i missed her funeral.

Its been tough on the family, and im still not even kinda ready to accept the fact that she's gone.

So i spent some time crying today.

I could go one forever talkin about her...and i will say more soon...just not right now...

I love u, Kimmy...till next time...

Gettin Old...

Hey everyone!! ya miss me? Its been a super hot minute...lotta stuff been goin on in my life. I'm sure to blog about some of it later.

So my roomate *Danielle* turned 22 last Monday. Yay! Happy belated birthday! But anyways, that day, we had a conversation about how freakin old we're getting and how time is flying by!

I turn 23 in a couple months which sounds so old! Sorry to the ppl older than me...lol...I dont mean to offend anyone. But I coulda swore I just turned 22! Ages 19-22 feels so recent. And I think about it like this...

when u turn 21...u think ur grown cuz u can buy liquor and everything....go to 21+ clubs and stuff. But ur still kinda brand new to being grown.

when u turn 22...U really start to feel grown because...hey, u been buyin drinks for a while now! U can go to any club u want to! (which i dont care about cuz I dont do that anymore) But 22 feels gr8 to be honest. I feel like a big girl now. I can do whatever I want, without having to answer to anyone. I'm comfortable here. lol.

now 23...that just sounds old! Even now I have a hard time realizing how grown I am! lol. But at 23, you are more experienced with a lot of things. At this point you been buying drinks for a long time. Ur a vet! And ur even closer to 30! LOL

Idk, maybe I'm just aprehensive about getting older. 22 is the age that madd ppl in there 40s reminisce on! Once our youth is all over...we cant get it back! Although, the most important goal I have in life is to have a family...I'm sure I will miss these days.

Danielle and I also came to the realization that...one of the main reasons we are worried about it is bc we feel like we are not enjoying it like we should...all bc of SCHOOL! We spend so much time in school and studying that we feel like our youth is flying by! Its so hard to live like you want with all that goin on. But I have no option. So my goal is to live everyday to the fullest...and see what happens :)

xoxo
RiekaBaby!

uhh...UPDATE!!

Hola ppl...

Yes, it has been a lil minute...

The thing is...i got a lotta things goin on in my world, but i have a hard time deciding what should be shared with the world and what shouldn't. Im still fairly new to this blogging thing and i dont wanna put too much of my personal-ness on here...yall may not be ready! Hell, I may not be ready!! LOL

anyway...here we go...

~*School Stuff*~

So, Spring Break is officially over!! {sad face} and its back to my MWF grind. Im soo ready to be thru...completely!! i been doin this school thing for too damn long! Unfortunately, this is the ONLY way I can become the Neonatal Nurse Practitioner I plan to be. Speakin of that...

I gotta get back to applyin for nursing programs. I been havin set back after set back when it comes to this. I was supposed to be in somebody's nursing program a long time ago...but hey...sh*t happens. If its not one thing its the next...but there's no point in dwelling on that. I did my grieving, prayed about it, and moved on. My first choice is to get in to Clayton State's program bc this is where i currently attend school. I already know madd ppl here in terms of teachers and advisors, and friends that are already in there. Other than that, I might try Kennesaw State and West GA. We'll see...

~*Facebook/Myspace*~

I havent been on lately! Maybe I am losing interest!! I kinda fell offa myspace a while back. I really only go on to check my messages, comments, pic comments, etc. Then im off. I havent even posted new pics since like October!! Facebook...im usually on a lot. The past couple weeks i check my notifications, maybe change my status, then keep it moving. Weird. Yet...im on Blogger every damn day! Reloigiously! Everytime i get online...i must get on Blogger...not to post (apparently) but to read the shit u all have to say!!! **hi five* to the ppl whose blog i follow!! Check me out on facebook and myspace anyway. Facebook: Sharieka Bryan [look me up]; myspace.com/riekababy

~*New Layout*~

Yeah so I [obviously] need a new layout. Who keeps these given templates anyway?? Yet im super picky! I've seen some pretty decent backgrounds but then im like, "uhh...no". Idk what my problem is. I'll prolly end up forcing my bf to make me somethin nice on photoshop...yeah...das a bet.

~*Relationship Status*~

So as of last week Sunday my boyfriend and I are officially 8 months in!! YAY!!! I cant wait till we get to a year!! We're thinking of a trip to Cabo, yah!

~*Job Search*~

Ok, i have tried to avoid working as much as possible...but im super tired of being broke!! I really need to be stackin my bread...cant stack invisible money...impossible. I been basically living offa school loan refund money...and it works for a while...but not too long. So...gotta see what I can work out. As much as i do need a job...im picky as hell!! There is NO way im gonna work at some damn mall makin 5-somethin an hour! NOT DOIN IT!! I'm tryna find somethin in the healthcare field. Its hard without a degree, but if i can find some kind of front desk type gig, that would be great!

this post is gettin a bit long...i'll be back later...

ugh...sooo not a morning person!!

Im sooo tired of wakin up so damn early in the morning!! MWF i have a 9-9:50 class then an 11-11:50 class...then im thru. Why am i strugglin?!

Because i HATE being awake in the morning...especially that damn early! I have to wake up at like 7:30 am to get there on time (plus snooze a few times lol). I know a lot of yall probably have to get up much earlier in the morning...ya probably think im complaining for nothing. But my other problem is...i can never go to bed on time!! so when I dont hit the sheets till like 2-3am...its hard as hell for me to get up and STAY up that early!

So Monday...my class started at 9...and I left the house at 9:02am...did I oversleep?? NO!! I layed in bed watchin freakin Spongebob!! LOL. I woke up on time, too! I have a good excuse tho...

It was cold!! lol...and my covers were warm!

Creative me!

I've been thinking...and i came to realize how much this relationship I'm in enhanced my life.

I've known for a while that i wanted to pursue nursing as a career. I've also known that i am IN LOVE with music...although i cant sing, rap, play ANY instruments (apart from alto saxophone in 6th grade band class, and mary had a little lamb on the piano lol). Other than that...im a BEAST at singing in the shower and behind the wheel of my car...but thats it. I sound pretty horrible and i am comfortable with that!

Well...i already discussed in my first blog how i felt/feel about poetry. Just never really put pen to paper until recently. My bf is my number one fan (and my main topic most of the time) and has always encouraged me to write...hell he put me on to this blogging thing!

My boyfriend is THE most creative person i have ever had in my life. He makes beats (myspace.com/quedaboywonder), as a matter of fact...im on his bed writing this blog while he makes this sick beat on his MPC2000XL. He likes to wear Ice Creams (Pharrell Williams brand) and colorful things, and he is FAR from a clone...he does his own thing and follows his own trends. He is a beast on them beats and has an ear for great music.

but i digress...

Since being with him he has definitely brought out my creative side. B4 him, i feel like i was just goin to school and just living. Goin out sometimes and chillin...now i am writing poetry, learning to play the guitar...together (hopefully someday i can get a nice acoustic guitar), and my dress code is a bit more colorful.

Not only that...like i said earlier...im in love with music...and being with him, i feel like i am somehow a part of it!! He teaches me what everything means...i help him make beats sometimes...and its my voice that says his name on every song he produces! Soon enough i will be in the "Stu" (studio) wit him surrounded by a buliding full of industry folk...its a great feeling.

Overall, i just feel like an updated version of ME. I feel like my life was lightweight "regular" until now. I feel like these things were always a part of me...it was just hidden...and i feel like im finally the person i am meant to be...different and far from regular :)